Summary | In Search Of Myself | Chhaya Datar

Summary | In Search Of Myself

        In search of myself, the author went to a camp which is near river Tapi and the author describes the nature's scenery, what she felts. the narrator also describes the coolness of river water which is flowing around her legs and waves of heat which her body felts too. as if she doesn’t have any social connections at that place, the author experiences the complete freedom.

The author enjoys the cultural program before dinner which includes the beats of drum louder and including sweet music of flute which makes the atmosphere rhythmic and the people's arounds began dancing.

        She narrates the scene of camp which is far away from noise, people and its brash lights which one can't never experience in the cities, the author got saddened because she gets letter from her husband as his sister's son going to be fed his ritual first solid meal and her mother-in-law was coming for the ceremony and author's presence was essential so she have to left her journey and leave for Bombay immediately and so she gets furious and taught about the past four days which she spent and compares her freedom with kite which was flying high in the sky but the letter which she get brought her back to earth then after she complains about her mother-in-law which very harsh and her husband will be angry if she don't go there but she want to continue her travelling in districts to write about Adivasi farm labourers which had been came together.

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The author went to the dark-pitch pathway towards the camp and saw that the women were dancing in a circle of four and five, they also included her.

The author describes her travel journey that on first day out of three or four days, she arrived in Nandurbar and caught the train from there to Dhulwad in evening and she also tells that Adchi is two miles away from Dhulwad.

        Now author went to their hut which were made of twigs plastered with cow dung and their plates were made by brass and they sat eating Bhakris and thin watery dal in the light of an oil lamp, by seen this her eyes filled with tears. the dal had been cooked in an earthen pot and the tawa (griddle) was of clay.

At night all the worker who had accompanied by her, called all women together. They came one by one, many with babies nursing at the breasts behind their saris, all were sat in darkness were only one hurricane lamp is there.

She talks with a friend whose name is Rajesh about the workers, he told that all were part of mob psychology, he also tells about how an individual's voice has been killed.

        Now she thinks about these women’s who are gathered here to listen author, then someone asked to her to say few words as she is a visitor from the city, she spoked in Marathi and her companion spoke in a mixture of Marathi and some local ascent in between a women asked a questioned and her companion answered with a slogan but in a lusty voice, after that women raised their voice and joined with companion's slogan, by that author got little disturbed.

      In early morning, hostess has escorted her to the edge of the village. author experience the complete ascends of freedom in that vast field where workers are working like an ant, only landlord has stone house in the centre of the village and with nothing to do but giving orders to the workers like the queen ant.

        Somewhere in field a water pump started up at some distant and the landscape shook a little. At afternoon time, the men sat around with folded hands. Now she started asking about that why they are not working, they replied there was no work, again she asked about government scheme they said hadn't received wages last month, then again, she questioned that how many days they are working, they again replied sixteen, Fourteen and Ten. she asked what work they are doing and how much they got, they replied that work is about Road construction and five rupees for daily wages and the men also said that two and a half only they got and author asked "why", they replied for only one shift they got two-and-a-half rupees. 

        Again she asked so many question about their daily routine and they answered for every question what she is asking, they also told that six hour of work for one shift and for them it’s impossible to do work in the sun, they began their work at seven in the morning and went on till one, now author asked about Somwaribai that she is not working on this scheme and they said that when she left work, she would carry the coarse jowar grain to a village which is two miles away, because there was no mill in the village after that she came home and made bhakris. she asked about at what time they take their dinner after such a late lunch and they reply that what need was there to eat twice so we eat only once in a day, their children eat that leftover bhakri in the morning but now work had stopped, so they had bought grain on credit but the grocer had stopped giving credit.

   The children had been sent out to fetch foreign grass that grown on the embankments of the landlord's vegetable garden. when they got back, she did cook the grass. They have to cut the jungles for firewood. The author asked that they ever caught by forest officer. they said that they caught by forest officer, put them behind bars sometimes or sometimes made them carry the wood they had cut to his place.

The author feels sad for them and found that the individual is like flock of sheep. they all could speak only in one tongue. Their tales of woe all fell into the sea of slogans.

  In the next morning, they had planned for a march up to the taluka office. The author believes that this mob is a loudest voice for women harassment. the group of people becomes full-blooded human beings not like an ant according to the author.

       From last four days, author had saw that they were carried the same moods and situations and for this type of incidents author get exhausted. All started dancing till late night and after when author woke up in the next morning, all women’s already up and gather in the Maidan for frill.

    Author's enthusiasm disappears after the letter came, to get back to Bombay by the next day. Author had to leave that night as she is totally helpless.

      When the class began, four Adivasi women came with their babies, who were playing in the mud outside the class. The mothers learned something new as if they don't have any education background, then also they sat for two hours of learning at a stretch, shaking their heads when the familiar situations comes when it was discussed, each one has an eagerness to tell the story of their village, by stepping one by one, all are joined in this process.

   When it was twelve in the clock at afternoon, everyone waited for anxiously for the end of the class and go for the lunch. In this time a woman came whose face was dripped with sweat, her feet were bare carried a bag and everybody looked at women and someone called that women and her name was Bhuribai. After listening, Bhuribai came and sat on the parapet and a worker asked that why she came late because camp had started yesterday.

        She replied with her tears that she went to her brother-in-law’s wedding which will happen today only, and she already packed her bags yesterday to come her but her father-in-law would not let her to go, so at night her father-in-law heated tawa(griddle) and burnt her hands because of that, her skin  was burning all night and she couldn't sleep for a second. In next day at morning she wakes up and came from that place without knowing anybody. she doesn’t have money so she had to walk four miles to come here.

    After listening all story of Bhuribai, author felt with tears and author remembered her letter, so she taught how Bhuribai got courage and why this camp is important to her. Author tells Bhuribai that she did not need to come here because wedding is an important event in family she should stayed at home, according to author.

After listening to much from author, she got fired and said that it was a union work so I have to come.

    From this author went back and taught about this courageous step who broke all her limits to do what need to be done. after that Bhuribai stayed and at afternoon she went to her village with other women.

    Author feels distressed after this bhuribai's incident and thinking about her steps which want to be taken after spending four days in the midst of appalling poverty and hardship, identify individual faces in the mob, headiness of dance and all this things cracked the author's steel frame and the time has come to leave also.

        The author seen in a minute after she saw the burn marks on Bhuribai's hands and thinks about her angry mother-in-law, a sulking husband and a sarcastic sister-in-law.

   On this day, there was a dust storm and wind whistled the dust in the air and she stood in the waters of the river Tapi with her husband's letter holding in her hands and tore into tiny shreds and throw into the water. The pieces bounced up and down and then floated away, with that at least for some time, she discarded all her social connections.